The Ugly Parts of Positive Change

Can we talk for a minute about the negative side of positivity? I’ve been working out vigorously for a week. I changed the way I eat. Physically, I feel great. Emotionally, I feel a little agitated. It didn’t really start until today. Could be PMS, but I think it is more likely that my brain is trying to fight back against the positivity.

I’ve always had a sweet tooth. I’ve always been on the heavy side as an adult. I’ve always been a pretty emotional eater or maybe I was just a careless eater. I didn’t care about my health or my body so I ate whatever I wanted and didn’t care about what was in it or how it would make me feel and look. When I started to care about my health, I changed the way I was eating. Not in big ways and not all at once. I cut out sodas, then I cut out meat most of the time, then I added more water, added more veggies. One thing that stayed constant was cheese, ice cream, and carbs, lots of all of them.

This 21 day plan that I’m on, hasn’t changed my food list really. It has definitely made me more aware of the protein I wasn’t getting and it rearranged the way in which I should eat things. The food portion is 100% on me. I signed up for the workout part. I signed up for the coaching part. I signed up for the accountability part, but the food part was totally optional. The program stresses healthy eating, but it’s up to you. Then again, I guess everything in your life is up to you.

And so is your reaction to it. Or your body’s reaction. And over the last 4 days, I think I have put my body in total shock.

I usually skip eating a real breakfast. My daily breakfast since I started working with Flea Market Guy has consisted of coffee & a fudge round. And then usually water all day, on occasion I would eat some crackers or break down and eat a drive thru burrito, but for the most part, I just waited until I got home and made dinner.

But now… after I workout, I make breakfast. A real breakfast with protein and carbs. Lunch takes a little planning because it is supposed to be half veggies and half protein & carbs. Then dinner is mostly veggies and some protien, but no carbs.

I didn’t realize how carb heavy my dinners usually are. I’m all about some potatoes, and pasta, and rice. I’ve yet to have any of those things for dinner and I think today was the first day I had potatoes for lunch. I’ve been sticking to the “rules” because I want to see the results. I don’t want to put in the exercise work and then stuff my face with pasta for dinner as a reward. That’s something the old me would do. Same with chocolate. I don’t do well with moderation. I always go overboard. It doesn’t matter if it is food or vodka. Once I start, it’s a downhill spiral that takes me a minute to get it back in check.

So I think my mind / body is trying to figure out what’s going on. I feel so good after just a few days of eating this way and exercising. I’m super exhausted today and will probably be in bed about 2 minutes after I finish writing this (so by 9 pm), but emotionally, I am feeling very on edge or maybe it’s more like “discomfort” because I haven’t had any of my “comfort” foods.

I’ve decided that now I have to retrain my brain to want something other than carbs for dinner and chocolate, well, all day. I know I can have a piece of chocolate, but I’m committed to this whole 21 days being on target. I have a goal in my mind of what I want my body to look like in 3 weeks, 6 weeks, 3 months and I won’t get to that goal if I am shoveling all my favorite comfort foods in my mouth just because I don’t know how to self regulate. So instead, I’ve just accepted the fact that this bad mood today is just one of the ugly parts of positive change and I’m hopeful that I will wake up with a better attitude.