Don’t Make Assumptions

Tomorrow will be a month since we put our 12 year old dog down. That’s also how long it’s been since I sat down to write a blog. I know I’ve said it over and over again that “I’m going to start writing every day.” And while I do write a little something every day, it’s not been a blog which leads me to self loathing and negative voices in my head for not doing the thing I keep saying I’m going to do.

Needless to say I’ve been going through some personal transformation shit or trying to.

I’ve taken a deep dive into personal development over the last year or so. I have also been trying to take a deep dive into being a beachbody coach. It’s a funny thing when you sign up to do that “coaching” thing. You have to start taking a real close look at yourself. You have to ask yourself hard questions like, “who am I?” “Who do I want to be?” “Are those two people the same person?” and if the answer is no (and it’s usually, no), you have to ask yourself “How much work needs to be put in to get from point A to point B?” And it’s not always easy putting in that work.

While a lot of the business is just sharing your wins and inviting people to get wins of their own, the second part of the business is doing those invites one on one in people’s inboxes. THAT’S where I hit my brick wall. I know that writing is my strong suit when I am just word vomiting my feelings about life and love and disappointment and pain, but when it comes to one on one conversations, I’ve always felt way more confident and put together when it’s in person. It’s the same with my humor. I’ve been told over and over that I’m really funny, but I can’t really pull that off in writing. It’s mostly off the cuff in the midst of conversations that my true personality comes out.

So that has been my struggle: trying to show my true personality online and not some cookie cutter coach personality. Because, I know that if there’s one thing I’m not, it’s cookie cutter.

So I’ve been having this internal debate about how I’m showing up online and I’ve been trying to find the courage to just be myself when it comes to that whole social media thing. And it’s not like I can avoid it because in order to be a successful network marketer, you have to do the networking part not just the marketing part.

So I’ve been slowly trying to build relationships, but the self doubt train is chugging full speed ahead leaving trails of “you’re not good enough” and “why would anyone want to join you?” I know it’s all bullshit, because we are all good enough and why wouldn’t anyone want to. The one thing I LOVE about BODi coaching is that in our daily business activities list, personal development is right at the top of the to do list.

My most recent deep dive into personal development has been The Four Agreements. Even though it’s a little tiny book, it’s taken me awhile to get through it this time, because I’m always underlining things and really trying to absorb the ideas, not just gloss over them. This is the second time I’ve read this book in the last couple of weeks. The first time I did just read through but then I listened to the audible and now I’m back to the book for a final “study” if you will.

I just finished the Third Agreement which was “Don’t make assumptions.” This is the chapter that really relates to the way I’ve been feeling about how I show up in my life. Some of the biggest takeaways from the book also known as “the shit I’ve underlined” were this:

• “We only see what we want to see and hear what we want to hear. We don’t perceive things the way they are.”
• “We make the assumption that everyone sees life the way we do. We assume that others think the way we think, feel the way we feel, judge the way we judge, and abuse the way we abuse. This is the biggest assumption that humans make.”
• “Your love will not change anybody. If others change it’s because they want to change, not because you can change them.”
• “When you transform your whole dream, magic just happens in your life.”
• “It is always better to ask questions than make assumptions because assumptions set us up for suffering.”

I hate to say that reading these obvious statements gave me some “aha” moments, but it’s kind of like being a child again. You know how kids don’t want to listen to what their parents say, but when another adult tells them the same exact thing, they act like it’s the first time they are ever hearing it and respond accordingly? It’s the same with personal development. Sometimes we know these things. We can clearly hear our inner voice saying exactly what we are reading, but when we read it from someone we trust, it first, reinforces our own belief, and second, allows us to react accordingly to the “new” information.

I’m not saying it makes sense, I’m just saying that’s how it’s been for me.

I’ll be finishing up the book by the end of the week. I’m starting the Fourth Agreement today. It’s “Always Do Your Best.” I’m interested to see what nuggets of wisdom come with this chapter.

If you are into reading and becoming a better version of yourself, I’d highly recommend this little golden nugget of a book.