Reverse Stalking 101

I wouldn’t say I have a lot of friends, but I have a nice handful. That handful is probably made up of equal  parts men and women. It could be that most of my female friends are married and I’m usually the only single one around, but it seems that men have this “stalker” problem way more often than women. I have talked to two of my guy friends in the last few days and both are having an issue with this. Women can be crazy. I guess men can too, but I’ve never experienced it. And crazy for no good reason. Unless sex is a good reason. Is sex a good reason? Ok, yes, I’ve slept with both of them (I haven’t slept with all my guy friends), and one, sure, I can kind of see it. The other? Eh, it could be worked on. Don’t worry, I’ve spared his feelings. He doesn’t even know this blog exists. But seriously, what about the sex can turn a usually normal somewhat sane woman into a crazy stalker bitch? And it has to be the sex, right? I’ve never seen or heard someone say, “the conversation was so great, I just had to call him seventy times a day when he wouldn’t talk to me.” Nor have I ever heard someone say, “The way he played with my hair was mind blowing, I don’t care how many of his friends I have to email to get his attention.” But maybe that’s exactly it. I don’t know any of these kinds of women. My tribe is sane. I’m usually the crazy one in that group. So I just don’t understand these women. I don’t understand these men either, though. There’s a block button on every device and app put out these days, isn’t there? There’s been one on every one I’ve used recently. I have a block list a mile long, although it only contains one stalker (and her mom, and her sister and her ex-boyfriend). But that situation was short lived. She was mad her ex was trying to talk to me because she apparently wasn’t done terrorizing him yet, but after I sent her my address and told her to bring an army and then blocked her it was crickets chirping. So blocking = crazy people moving on, right?  I would have never suspected her as a stalker either. It’s always the ones you least expect I guess.

Maybe these women didn’t know they were stalkers. Here are some tell tale signs:

Do you rapid fire texts before ever getting an answer back from someone you are not currently dating or someone you have never dated but want to? You might be a stalker.

Side Note: Rapid fire texts are perfectly ok in relationships. How else will they know how mad you are?

Do you have more than one Facebook account because you’ve been blocked and still want to see what’s happening on his page? You might be a stalker.

Have you called his mom, his sister, his daughter, his aunt, his cousin, his best friend, his best friend’s wife so they will see your point of view and talk some sense into him? You may be a stalker.

Do you drive by his house to see if he has company (if you get up out of bed in the middle of the night to do this it’s a bigger problem than I thought)? You might be a stalker.

Do you have a friend who does these things and tells you tales you know are far fetched and just flat out lies, but you want to believe her because she’s your friend? You may be accessory to a stalker.

The thing is, ladies and gentlemen,  you can’t force someone to love you. You can’t force someone to be with you. Well, you can, but rest assured they are also with other people. You are just still there because it’s easier to appease you than it is deal with the havoc you will wreak on their lives if you are dismissed. So please, for your own good, let him go. There are other men who are packing just as much heat and they may actually like you and not be afraid they are going to walk in and find a boiling bunny after work.

And men, if you are packing the heat and you know it or if you don’t know it or haven’t accepted it yet, but you have had more than one or two stalkers in your day, do yourselves a favor and keep it holstered until you get to know how crazy she really is. We all hide our crazy in the beginning. Take a little time before you jump on that train because sometimes it’s just not worth it.


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