I’m Not a Doctor, but I Play One In My Dating Life

I was volunteering at the festival again yesterday. It was a pretty good day. I went to a couple of the workshops in the morning before I checked in to volunteer. My friend, the Artist (I guess that will be his nickname since I’m not sure how he feels about being included in a blog), that took me home Friday was there and we got to hang out for a little bit. I was catching him up on my disastrous dating situation and telling him about Mister. Speaking of Mister, he totally stood me up yesterday for lunch. He said he was going to come hang out with me from one until I had to go volunteer but he didn’t. He did message me and let me know he was tied up with his kids, eventually, but not before he was already late. And I was perfectly ok with it because I was hoping his imperfections would come through soon because I was starting to think he didn’t have any and then after he was late, my rose colored glasses came off and all I could see were the imperfections. Not that he’s not still a very sweet guy. He is. And he did come by later and bring me a coat to put on because it was super cold and he stood around and talked to me for a bit, but mostly about his cheating wife problems and his kids. For some reason, people find me easy to talk to. I am like a mobile therapist. Everywhere I go, I walk away knowing a whole lot about whoever was next to me or passing by or in my general area. People like telling me things. And he was no exception. He stood there and we talked for about an hour before I shooed him away and told him he should go get some sleep. So here’s what I found after the rose colored glasses were off and why I think I liked him to begin with, but let me back up to earlier in the day. I was telling one of the other girls I volunteered with about the blog and how it seems to have turned into mostly about my dating life. And we got on the subject of the kind of men I usually attract and I was telling her that I get the sensitive, clingy, needy types and what I really wanted was a strong, independent, manly type but then I quickly clarified that I did not want someone dominant and controlling because I like to do my own thing. I just wanted someone to spend time with me, love me, want to marry me, but never want to actually move in together because I like my space and sometimes I would probably like his space. I know it doesn’t make a damn bit of sense. I know that I don’t make a damn bit of sense but I’ve accepted that about myself. I’m basically my own therapist too. So back to Mister, I realized after talking to her and then talking to him when he finally showed up that I totally attracted that sensitive, needy, clingy type in him. If I don’t message him back in a reasonable amount of time, he immediately thinks something is wrong and will message me again. I woke up to four messages this morning that were like normal, less normal, panicked because I was taking so long, and apologetic for worrying that it was taking too long. All that and I hadn’t even opened my eyes yet. I slept in today because I had a super long day yesterday and I stood out in the cold almost all day and my body was just physically worn out. I shut my ringer off, put my music on and crashed. Dead to the world until 10am. I even left my dog door open so they wouldn’t start bugging me at their usual 6:30am time to go out  and this dude has his panties in a wad because I’ve gone missing. Even if he wasn’t married, that would have been the deal breaker. I like disappearing. I like not “reporting” to someone. I like doing whatever the fuck I want without having to worry about someone’s feelings. Mostly because I don’t usually worry about people’s feelings until I’ve already hurt them unintentionally. And then I start feeling bad. So basically my diagnosis for Mister is this: possibly depressed, low self esteem (not just because his wife cheated, I think he may have always had it), hidden anger problems, and I don’t think he really knows himself. I mean it’s one thing to not know what you want in life. I think I’ve pretty much perfected that, but I know myself pretty well. I think at 40, a person should know the important things about themselves. Not to say that I won’t change. I change my mind about things everyday, but I think he’s still confused about who he is on top of what he wants. And he’s sensitive, which I already knew, but I don’t need sensitive or married. So I politely friend zoned him officially last night before I petted him like a puppy and sent him on his way. He still wants to see my “beautiful face” and talk to me, but he is confused. I will be no good to him. I am merely his therapist. And don’t people always fall in love with their therapists?

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