A Night Of Vodka & Drag Queens

I went out a lot over the last week. It’s almost been too much to talk about. The night after the house party, I went to an open mic poetry event. I’m getting more and more comfortable being up in front of people and reading or reciting things I’ve written. I did two “poems” that night and three dry martinis.  Not that the poems were really poetic. They were more like stream of consciousness writing, but it was an open forum so it didn’t really matter. One of the guys from the house party was there. The great kisser who walked me to my car. We had made not so solid plans to meet up later and “get personal.” It didn’t happen though because as the night wore on, I imbibed more and more. After stop one, my friend and I went to a lesbian bar. It was full of softball players. We wanted to watch a drag show but only saw a small handful of “queens” there so we left to hit up another club called XYZ to see their show, but not before taking no less than four Jell-O shots. Yes, I had gelatin filled Jell-O shots. It’s ok. Everything in moderation right?! We left and went to spot number three. My friend was super dressed up and I was supposed to be wing woman-ing for her but apparently I’m not really good at it. Do you know what I am really good at? Using the men’s room. But using the men’s room at the gay bar is a lot different than using it at any other bar. They didn’t even bat an eyelash at me. I didn’t know if it was because they just didn’t care or if it was because I looked like a drag queen and they were used to seeing drag queens in the bathroom. I peed in a stall with no door while a man used the urinal right next to me. Good times. Also, useful note…..men in gay bars wash their hands after they pee. Not so much in a regular men’s room. So many things happened that night that it is all kind of a blur. I do remember looking at one of the drag queens and thinking that he/she  probably had a wife at home who had no idea that he/she was emcee at a show. I think I also pegged him as an accountant. But I love drag shows and drag queens. I actually kissed one on my birthday a few years ago. Ironically, I ended up with a cold sore the next day. I can’t say if one has to do with the other. I can say that I questioned my sexuality for a bit. I knew it was a man but it looked like a woman and I couldn’t decide if that made me a lesbian or not.  And then there was another guy there who kept repeatedly sticking multiple dollar bills in his mouth for the queens to come pluck out. The sentiment was nice but I just couldn’t get past the disgust of how dirty those bills were that he kept putting in his mouth. I know, I have issues. I also met a man who looked like the nerdy dude from the Hangover that ended up with a face tattoo. He was looking for a big masculine black man to rock his world. I told him we all were and tried to wing woman for him too but just ended up having a really great chat with the only big masculine black man in the place and walking away filled with disappointment that he liked to suck dick as much as I do. By the end of the night, I had basically forgotten that I was supposed to call the great kisser from the house party and I wound up sleeping at my friend’s house in her bed, spooning her until I woke up in the morning panicking that it was 8am and I was two hours late to feed my dogs. I changed back into my smoke filled clothes from the pajamas she had given me and snuck out as if we had just had a one night stand. Don’t worry. We didn’t. At least I don’t think we did. I should call her. I still felt half drunk when I got to my car, but I had some water and drove the three miles home without incident. Needless to say, I’m probably done drinking for a while.

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