Pandora’s Box ***

So after my fun filled climb, I ended up going to a community barbeque. Not much food for a vegetarian at a bbq. Such is life. I did eat some coleslaw though…. with pineapple chunks in it…. which was oddly delicious. So I left there and went to the grocery store, which was pretty uneventful. They basically only have Publix here. And the prices are somewhat inflated. Not sure if that’s because it’s touristy here or just because cost of living and whatnot. Either way, while I was shopping, I got a text from a dude I had been talking to on Tinder since I got here. We’ll call him Chris….because that’s his name. So Chris texts me and asks what I’m up to. I tell him nothing. He asks what I’m getting ready to be up to. I tell him nothing. I ask him if he wants to come hang out on the beach with me. He says yes. He lives an hour from where I’m staying, so I offered to meet him in the middle, which is Destin, FL.  I parked my car in a shopping center and he met me there. I know what you’re thinking, one day I’m going to jump into the wrong car or let the wrong person into mine. I hear ya, but I have really strong instincts that have not steered me wrong yet. And as you can see, I’m still here today to write this blog, so all is well in the universe.

So, we drove to the beach and parked. We got out and walked to the sand. I’m pretty much always ready to kick my shoes off, if I even have them on at all. I was not expecting him to be so ready to. I guess if you live by the beach that’s just standard procedure, but when he picked me up in his nice truck, he immediately struck me as the shoes and hat kind of guy. You know, the ones whose shoes match their ball caps and you better not accidentally step on them or it’s a fight in a club? At first I thought he was that kind of guy, but only for about two seconds. He turned out to be super easy to be around and funny. So I kick off my flip flops and just leave them in the sand by where we parked. He takes his shoes off and holds them while we walk. So we walked and talked for what seemed like five minutes, but when we turned around we were actually way, way down the beach, like a mile or three. So we turned around and walked back toward his truck. We pretty much were on the beach for 2 hours.  Also, he is probably the only guy I met on Tinder (besides Marky Mark) who didn’t send me a dick pic. And he was the only one who didn’t recommend or allude to sex being the whole reason to get together. But we did talk about sex near the end. He was saying that people basically turn crazy after sleeping with him. I made a joke about my vagina being like Pandora’s box. I didn’t mention that people also go crazy (and break out my windows and headlights) after sleeping with me. I figured I would leave that for another day. Anyway, we got done walking and he invited me to his place. He didn’t even have to offer me pizza. He is super adorable, I was just following like a lost little pup. Just kidding. Can you imagine me doing that? Ha!

He took me back to my car and I followed him to his place. He turned the TV on and warned me that there was a chance porn was going to pop up. I laughed. It didn’t. What did pop up in his recently viewed movies was Shottas, which is one of my all time faves. But we didn’t even really watch it because we were talking. He told me a little bit about his childhood and past relationships. He also told me he has Tourette Syndrome, which I was slowly figuring out, because he had just a small tic, but when we started talking about getting naked, it was a tad more pronounced, so he felt the need to let me know he wasn’t on drugs or anything it was just Tourette’s. Being the asshole that I can be sometimes, I asked him if I needed to be prepared for him to scream obscenities at me randomly throughout the night. He assured me that, that would not happen. So, not to get into the dirty, dirty details, I basically found my sexual soul mate.  I’ll probably see him again before I leave (many times) and may even try to talk him into coming home with me. Who wouldn’t want a sexy, handy, crafty, smart, funny, affectionate, stranger living with them, right?

Calm down, calm down. I’m not bringing him home with me. I’ll send for him later.  (oh, man, I crack myself up).

Also, prior to meeting him. I deleted my Tinder profile and app. Not sure if I mentioned that. It was just too much and too time consuming. It was like being at a bar with free drinks and an alcohol problem. Plus 90% of the men on Tinder are full of shit. 8% just want to send dick pics. Those numbers may be interchangeable. And the 2% who are truly awesome are about as likely to show up in your inbox as a winning powerball ticket is likely to show up in your hand.  Little did I know before I delted it, I already had a winning ticket.

Anyway, I’m officially on Team Chris (I’m sorry there are no pictures, I forgot to get one)  and completely understanding of why he turns women into crazy stalker types.  I’ve fully got a grip on it, plus I’d like to think he’s met his match. Time will tell and since I’m only here for 9 more days, the suspense shouldn’t kill anybody.

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