Why must I choose my words carefully? Why can’t I say, “no, I don’t want to do that!”?
Because those very few small words may hurt someone’s feelings. How can one person be held accountable for another person’s feelings? As I get older, and somewhat wiser, I’ve learned that I can change the way that I say things to make them easier to swallow for some, but I just don’t want to. Seriously, I don’t like to filter my responses or go into work mode by choosing every word carefully. For others, I can just be me and say what I have to say.
Learning to modify the words that come out of my mouth has been a challenge for the past few years because modification of words, for me, means not saying anything at all. If I don’t say anything, I feel like I am going to explode or like I’m not being honest and being me. I like being that honest person that is going to “keep it real” or “keep it 100%” as people say.
What many people don’t know is that I didn’t speak for years of my life. I only spoke with my immediate family until I was in the 2nd grade. I got in so much trouble because I wouldn’t speak in school. I was quiet, shy and very meek. Who knew that I once I started talking, I would never shut up or have a filter for that matter?
I’ve come to realize that I’m one those people that either you like me and my honesty or you don’t, because my honesty is too much for you to handle. I can’t go along with something that I don’t believe in. I can’t be quiet when something is not right. I can’t sit back and not fight for someone when they are not strong enough to do so. I can’t be a follower. I can’t be that person to tell you everything is going to be OK when it isn’t. These are the major things that have held me back in my relationships with everybody, my husband, my friends and my daughter.
No, I am not always right, and no, my opinion does not have to be heard by everyone however my opinion will always be voiced.
So many people run their lives on wanting to be liked or not wanting to ruffle anyone’s feathers. I don’t care if you like me. I don’t care if I ruffle feathers, but believe me, my small words are not meant to hurt your feelings. I’ve heard recently, “you really hurt my feelings” huh?? I hurt your feelings because I said one or more of these small words: no, yes, maybe, I can’t, don’t, why, how, yes, please don’t, what…..and the list goes on. My intentions are not to hurt but to give you what you asked for…..an answer to your question. Maybe it was my delivery, my tone of voice or the look on my face. Who knows?
These hurt feelings are a tricky thing. I don’t like to see anyone hurt for any reason. To know that my small words have left someone feeling bad doesn’t sit well with me. I am a very emotional person and, when someone is hurting, I hurt too. I really do. You just won’t know it because I don’t show it. My mouth is a lot to handle and either you can handle it and know that it’s coming from a good place or you’re just not built to be in my world. Who knows, maybe one day things will change and I will start to look at things a little different from what I do now, but for today, you get small words and I hope they don’t hurt your feelings.