I wrote yesterdays blog, days ago. It was supposed to post Friday, but I wasn’t ready to post it because I like to have 100% closure. Somebody ghosting me doesn’t really give me that. So I moved the blog forward on the schedule to yesterday because I couldn’t figure out how to unschedule it. You’d think I’d be more tech-savvy than that, but I’m not. So, honestly, I forgot it was scheduled.
I was on the fence about it because I didn’t want the world thinking Flea Market Guy was a dick because my gut was telling me something else was going on. But… that ship has sailed.
So I have this character flaw or maybe it’s a mental illness or just something fucked up in my brain that allows me to wake up with a clear head. No grudges. No anger. I literally wake up happy every day. So every day, I would wake up and I wouldn’t be mad at him. But as the day would go on, I would get more and more pissed off about a text not answered or a phone call not answered. Like I said, NORMALLY, I wake up every day with a clean slate. Kind of like 50 First Dates, but not as extreme.
Except for Saturday.
Saturday I woke up and called him. He didn’t answer. I did not wait to get pissed off. It happened immediately. I didn’t need to wait for the day to go by. I was livid. I kind of had an “enough is enough” attitude. I had myself convinced of every worst-case scenario besides his death. I was going to be wholly responsible for that. But I just knew that he was back with his ex and was just too big a pussy to tell me. So I decided to do something I had never done before.
My emotions got the best of me and I decided to go crazy ex-girlfriend on him and show up at his house at 9am. I am fully aware that I am too old for that kind of debauchery, but I did not really care. I wanted answers. I wanted closure. And I was hell-bent on getting it. Plus, at 9am, I was 100% convinced that he would have a woman in the house still and I just wanted the confirmation. So, off I went to his apartment. Up the stairs. To the door. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock (kind of like the police). He opened the door. I looked at him, said, “What the fuck, man?” And he gave me a hug. Said my name. Petted my hair. I think he apologized. And he invited me in.
There was no girl in his bed. And all my murdery thoughts went out the window temporarily.
We ended up talking for most of the morning. He explained all the things that he had going on and told me he just needed some space and time to be alone. Which I completely understand. I told him that I’m more than happy to fuck off when needed because there is going to come a time when I will need him to fuck off too. He apologized quite a few more times and told me that he didn’t know why he felt the need to ghost me, but from now on he would be more communicative. Obviously, there was more to it than that, but that’s his story to tell, not mine. So I won’t.
He did say that he was surprised that I waited so long to come to his house. I told him it’s not usually my thing because good things rarely come from situations like that.
Long story short, we decided that we are going to continue to be friends. No more relationship talks. No more pressure. Just day by day because everything else is too stressful for him right now.
And I think, sometimes you just gotta meet people where they are (which I will touch on more tomorrow) because we don’t always get to have the things and people we want when and how we want them. No matter how much we think we deserve it. Timing is a real thing. Sometimes you can meet the perfect person at exactly the wrong time. I’m not sure if this is an example of that. Who knows, this may have been an example of being in exactly the right place at the right time.
All I do know is that aside from his little moment of being a dick (which I have filed in my memory bank as a red flag) I love being around him. We have fun. We laugh. We are both a little off in our senses of humor. And he is not intentionally a dickhole. For the most part, he is a really good guy.
So, my new plan is to guard my heart. We can keep hanging out, but I’m not going to invest so much time in him like I was before. And if the opportunity arises to go out on a date with someone else whom I find interesting, I will. So, I guess I have another best friend.