Well, as you know I was seeing Hammock guy. And things were good, but something was missing. I realized it was magic. Or chemistry. Call it what you will. So I broke it off with him. It was funny because when we were out hiking, I was fine. I had fun. But when we were just hanging out at his place, I had a hard time being present. And when I say that, I mean, when I was hanging out with Flea Market Guy, I had to force myself to look at my phone just to make sure my kiddo hadn’t text or anything. When I was with Hammock guy, I had to force myself to put my phone down because I just wanted some sort of distraction. In the end, I didn’t think it was fair to him.
I know in all relationships, there is usually one person who likes the other more. Ironically, the tables turned here. I was Flea Market guy and Hammock guy was me. He liked me more. He wanted to spend 90% of our free time together and see me every day or at least every other (his words not mine). And that wasn’t even something I could wrap my mind around. I offered to remain friends and told him I hoped we could still go hiking and do fun stuff, but in hindsight, I guess that probably came out all wrong. Plus, I know that I have a hard time being friends with someone who I wanted to be romantically involved with if they don’t want me. At least until I get over the rejection.
So I haven’t heard from him in a couple days, but we are still friends on Facebook. He didn’t delete me, which is usually what I do when my feelings are hurt, but guys are different so maybe we will hang out again in the future.
But I do believe everything happens for a reason and people are put in your life for a reason and I think that about this situation.
I think this was meant to happen to show me, first, how much I’ve grown as a person. Maybe I’ve been single too long and have grown picky, but I know now that I need chemistry or magic to be happy. I need random conversations about random things. I need spontaneity. I need laughter. I need adventure. I basically need someone who is a cross between Flea Market Guy and Hammock Guy. But I have decided to wait on pursuing that little fantasy for a while.
I’ve been trying to remain single because I only have 2 more years until my kiddo is 18. So I’m trying to get the most out of this parenting situation. Right now, my kid actually talks to me. We have conversations. And I know what’s going on in his life. I miss out on things when I’m preoccupied with dating. And I know that. So I’m not sure why I even started dating again in the first place. I think I was bored on a Friday night and just wanted someone to take me to dinner. And maybe someone to have sex with. But it all just turned out to be a whole lot more trouble than it was worth.
It was definitely a lesson learned. And I don’t regret either experience. I’m thankful for them.
That being said, I’ve decided to focus more on writing for the next two years. I have a couple book ideas and I’m working on a new book of poetry so I think I will just give that my full attention and see what happens. Today is all that matters, right?