Relationships are so hard to navigate. Not just the intimate ones between lovers and almost lovers, but the ones between friends, as well. I posted yesterday about married men who cheat on their wives. I was mostly speaking of married men who cheat on their wives who have done nothing but adore them from day one. For my own selfish purposes, I was leaving out married men who are thinking about cheating on their wives just to get back at them. But, I guess, in the big scheme of things, cheating is cheating. If you take that vow to love and cherish one another, the circumstances in which you break that vow, don’t really matter. My friends are torn on this whole subject, it seems. I have a couple married ones who are on the fence about the whole thing and these are faithful women with faithful men, which totally confuses me. Not the fact that they are all faithful, but the fact that they aren’t telling me to get a hold of myself. I actually would have thought they would be in the opposite corner. And then I have other married friends who are basically like, “bitch, I see you with your ski mask on, gun in hand, getting ready to walk into that tall beautifully built bank and take what is not yours, and if you do, we cannot be friends.” I’m not trying to lose friends. And I’ll readily admit that the temptation was real. I’ll also admit that it took one friend’s perspective to make me understand the gravity of the situation. I’m not much of a believer in marriage itself. Not that I don’t believe in the sanctity of marriage for those that do get married, though. If I were to get married, I’d be super faithful to my husband, but that’s because he would be fucking amazing, and a Lion tamer, because as it stands right now, I don’t see myself ever getting married. And a lot of it has to do with situations like this. I’m torn on the subject of marriage, I’m torn on the subject of monogamy, but mostly I’m torn on the idea of the pressure that comes with both.
I mentioned befriending the married man in yesterday’s blog. One of my friends said to me after reading it that she would be pissed if her husband became friends with a woman he didn’t know before they were married. At the time she was saying it, I could totally get behind that and nod my head in agreement, but after we hung up, my first thought was, if the shoe was on the other foot, could I go the rest of my days without ever making another male friend? And the answer is probably not. I change jobs too much, for one, to not make new friends. And secondly, I usually have more in common with men than women. My friend, Liz, is convinced I’m part dude. I’ve made way more male friends over the last five years than female friends. And I haven’t slept with all of them either. But, if I’m being honest, I have slept with a few of them and occasionally still do. And I have dated and known men who don’t want women to be friends with anyone they’ve ever slept with which I feel is an unfair request. Especially if the sex stopped long before the husband was in the picture. Also, I kind of feel like it would force me to lie and say it had always been platonic in order to keep the friendships that I cherish so much. Just because I slept with someone once, doesn’t mean it would happen again anymore than sex would happen with someone who I decided not to sleep with no matter how hard they tried or how much attraction was there.
So here I am, again, sitting on this wall like humpty dumpty hoping not to fall the wrong way or at all, while pondering more of life’s confusing questions. It seems I would have figured this out by now. I feel like 15 years ago, I probably had a better grip on my opinions of all of these questions, but as I’ve grown, I’ve changed drastically and I don’t know if it’s for better or worse. If you meet someone who you genuinely click with, do you negate the whole thing because of “the rules of marriage”? And does every married couple have these rules of what is acceptable and unacceptable? And if I know myself and I know that I would never betray another woman by laying with her husband even if I don’t know the woman, is it still wrong to foster a friendship with said man? Why shouldn’t two people who get along be allowed to be friends? I don’t know why it’s so taboo, but it’s really easy for me to say right now because I’m currently single and I know love makes people crazy and makes them say and do and feel things they wouldn’t normally.
Anyway, I’m curious as to your thoughts on this subject. Feel free to post a comment on this post or on my Facebook or drop a comment below in this nifty little box I found. All comments dropped below will be confidential. The only thing that might be shared is your viewpoint. (Name, email, and website are all optional fields- none of which will be shared).
It’s complicated isn’t it … attraction happens, people clique … whether it’s friendship or more relationships happen … I totally agree as life experiences increase the beliefs and opinions and “truths” get a bit bendy … I don’t know where I stand on cheating anymore. Why can’t I like more people that I meet and let that develop as it may?
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Exactly!! It is so complicated.
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