Today was an absolutely beautiful day. Completely opposite yesterday. No smelly vaginas today. No cloudy skies.
Yesterday, I was irked most of the day. It was one of those days where I was in my feelings because I’m too nice. Do you ever have those days where you just feel like people are mistaking your kindness for weakness and you want to shout obscenities at the world, but you can’t because…well because you’re just too damn nice? I had a day like that yesterday.
I think it was mostly the crappy weather. When the sun has refused to shine for days on end, I get a little anxious, angry, homicidal, asshole-ish. Pick a negative word. I get it.
I only talked to Flea Market Guy once yesterday. He was busy then he fell asleep. I was also mad about that. Not mad, just slightly salty… like a concessions pretzel. Partly because he’s been so consistent with staying in touch with me and partly because I just knew he had replaced me with a gorgeous, skinny prostitute. Luckily, I was too done for the day to even be bothered with it. Even though I was bothered by it. I just sent him a goodnight text and went to bed. After sleeping on it, I decided that it didn’t matter what he was doing in Vegas. Because 1.) We aren’t actually together. Plus we’ve only known each other a month. And… I could be fucking all over town if I felt like and it wouldn’t matter because I am not his girlfriend and he is not my boyfriend. and 2.) What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Who am I to ruin a guy’s fun? I would never.
So when I woke up this morning, I felt better about the whole situation. Better may be the wrong word. I had clarity. And it was basically just an alignment of my life’s motto. “Will this even matter 5 years from now? Or five days? Or five minutes?” Since the answer was no, I decided to move on and tell myself that whatever reason he didn’t bother to be bothered with me was a fine reason. So when he did finally text and call me, I was back to my normal, non-psycho self. Thank God.
But also the sun was out. And that was a huge help. Mel (my kiddo) needed a haircut today. The barber shop is closed when he gets out of school so if we don’t go on a Saturday, I usually end up taking him during the week in the morning and then taking him to school late. I know. I’m a terrible mother who needs to get her priorities straight. Sue me. I have two years of parenting left. If the kid wants a haircut on Tuesday so he can look nice at work later, then so be it. He gets the haircut.
After dropping him off, though, I couldn’t bring myself to go home. It was just too nice outside. So I went and walked a trail. I went to my favorite quarry that was overflowing from the rain. Then I went home. But when I got in the house, my dog was like, “damn, I stink.” So I decided to take her and give her a bath. It was a lovely experience. Mostly because I dirtied the pet store tub and not my own. And I didn’t have that wet dog smell in the house all afternoon. After taking her, I had lunch with a friend where we talked about relationships and my take on love, life and the pursuit of happiness. Maybe I’ll delve into that tomorrow. And then I went home, ready to work. But, alas, dog number two was like, “yo, yo, yo. Athena smells good and now I’m the stinky dog in the house. Not cool, Angie. Not cool.” So I took Zeus and washed him. Loaner dog did not get a bath today. But she never goes outside anyway, so she’s less stinky of the three. Then it was time to go get Mel and drop him off at work. The sun was still shining. I could have found a thousand more things to do, but I really had to get to work.
That is one of the perks of making your own hours. You have some flexibility. Although I did have a project I probably should have been working on instead of meditating in the grass at the park (which I also managed to squeeze in today), but I’ve been frustrated with that this week too. So I decided my mental health was way more important. And since the writing wasn’t a life or death situation like my mental well being, I picked me.
Anyway, the day turned out great. I even managed to get some work done on “second shift” if you will. And I’m in a much clearer headspace.
I think that’s the key to life, really. Why do we choose to do things we hate or are dreading when sometimes it’s just as simple as taking a day to yourself to spend time with you and go the pet store and buy yourself a cute little suckerfish (which I also did today) or call in sick to work and take yourself to the movies?
I count my blessings every day that I do not have to work a 9-5 (even though sometimes they think that’s my schedule) and that I can wake up every morning and do the things I love to do. I feel for people who can’t. And I know that people with regular jobs can’t just call into work, but you know what? You should. You should take a fucking day off. Take a day to yourself. Spoil you. Eat ice cream. Or pizza. By yourself at the movies while wearing pajamas. Leave your phone at home. Unplug. Forget that you have responsibilities for a day. It’s the best feeling ever. And why not today?
(now I’m imagining 200 employers wondering why all their best employees called in sick on a random Wednesday. I’m amused. And proud of you!!)