A Freudian Comparison?

I finally had a successful date the other day. He picked me up exactly when he said he would. We went to my favorite restaurant and talked and laughed. And then we went to see a show in downtown Knoxville. Unfortunately, “he” is my brother. It’s a pretty sad day when your brother is your most successful date in years. Every time I hang out with my brother, I think, man, if I could find a guy that I could get along this well with, I’d be set. But then I think, that might not be a great idea, because if I do find someone I get along that well with, it probably means he is super fucked up like me and we are destined for failure. Not that my brother is not a great guy, but sometimes, I look at his wife and wonder how she hasn’t killed him already because he can be a little much to handle. And then I start realizing I don’t have daddy issues at all. I have brother issues. Not that I’m creepy in love with my brother, but I do compare a lot of the men I meet to him. Or to my friends’ husbands.

Like the married guy, Mister. I know you’ve been wondering if he’s still around. Yes, he is still lingering around and yes he is still married (and beautiful). We went a couple of days without talking and then he re-appeared, but everything is still platonic so I’m not even feeling guilty about it or like Karma is going to get me. Anyway, Mister, despite the fact that he is hanging out with me on occasion is a guy like my brother or like my friends’ husbands. He’s just a decent human being and we have things in common to talk about. We can waste away two hours in the blink of an eye and never have an awkward silence. Granted, it is probably because we are both working very hard to stay away from awkward silences because, if I had to guess, I would say that an awkward silence could potentially lead to boatloads of bad karma. And I want to feel bad for hanging out with him, but I’m finding it more and more difficult to care. We just get along. And it’s nothing romantic. He’s not trying to make it romantic. I’m definitely not trying to make it romantic, but it’s clearly because we are trying not to make it romantic. Because if he were single……

And every time I see him, I’m more and more convinced that maybe there is someone out there for me. And I don’t mean him. I’m actually in his wife’s corner and keep offering suggestions for him to try and make it work. Not that anyone in their right mind should ever take any of my suggestions. I am even amused right now at that thought. Like the old saying goes, if this is wrong, I don’t wanna be right. I know that’s not exactly how it goes, but you get the point.

So maybe I’m not comparing men to my brother, because that does sound kind of weird and Freudian, but I think because I consider my brother to be one of my best friends, that is what I am looking for in a companion. I want someone who knows all my shit and still wants to be around me. Although, now that this blog is out in the “interweb,” it would be really hard to meet a guy who didn’t know all my shit. Unless he was illiterate. And that would never work for me.


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