There’s a reason they say you can’t date a married man. I’ve become very aware of it in the last little bit. Not that I’m dating a married man, but I have befriended one. The married one, Mister, from the previous posts. But as people have read about him, they are opening up to me about situations they have been in and it seems that a lot of people have been on one end or the other of the cheating thing. For him, it was his wife who cheated first. And at first, his affair was going to be a revenge situation that helped him to get back to his regular life, but as luck would have it, he ended up meeting me instead. So instead of the affair he was most likely expecting, it turned into a friendship, that although intimate, has not crossed the line. Although, from a woman’s perspective, mine, he has already crossed the line. I may have mentioned before, that I feel like women and men’s definition of cheating is different. Men don’t care if a woman talks to another man as long as she doesn’t let anyone else touch her. Women don’t want their man talking to another woman and forging a relationship with them, because even if there is no touching or sex, the betrayal has already begun. I tried to explain this to Mister and he seemed to understand, even though he was confused and went back and forth on whether he wanted to continue on. And I’m not even going to lie, I was torn for a minute too on whether I would cross that line, but ultimately, I decided to do what was in both of our best interest and not sleep with him, however, I didn’t stop us from seeing each other and getting to know each other and becoming friends. And over the short amount of time, we have become, what I would consider, pretty good friends. But that is where it has to end, because, I can’t help but think that if it did go any further, what he would do to her, he would do to me. Which leads me to women who have affairs with married men. I don’t understand how a woman can meet a man and know that he is married and still be ok with seeing him. At what point do you think and believe in your heart that if he leaves her to be with you, that he will not leave you to be with the next one. I think there’s a word for that. Delusional? But it happens over and over. I know friends personally who have husbands who are cheating and their new women think that they are the one. I also have friends who are the other woman and they all believe, “He did it to her, but he won’t do it to me.” And it’s the most ridiculous sentence I think I’ve ever heard muttered. I’m not standing here throwing stones either, I just wonder at what point do you lose your self worth and start thinking that a.) you are better than “her” in some way or b.) that you don’t deserve better than to be with a man who would disregard the vows he took in front of God and everyone and lower yourself to be made a fool.
I know there are always two sides to every story. I know the story that I am involved in has two sides, and I’ve only heard one. And I believe the one I heard, but then I sit and think about all the other women who are believing that one side. All the excuses. I’ve heard so many excuses from men who are unhappy, “I’ve been sleeping on the couch for months” and then they are expecting a baby out of the blue. Surprise!!! Guess that couch was pretty fucking fertile. Or “I haven’t been happy for a while.” No? Why do people stay when they aren’t happy? Or why don’t they work on it if they are unhappy? I know the human condition is a difficult one to navigate, but to me, it seems like some things are common sense. For instance, don’t fuck another woman’s husband, don’t fuck another man’s wife, and if it can’t be worked out, leave. I will never understand how people can be so selfish. Normally, I would never point a finger or be judgmental, because I had never been in the position of being the other woman. But I have recently, and although it was very tempting and would have been very easy to make the easy choice, the one that made me (and him) happy temporarily, it’s not the person I want to be. Not that I am better than anyone, but I don’t want what belongs to someone else. I wouldn’t take money from a wallet that wasn’t mine and I don’t want a man from a home that isn’t mine. And I think people who do are really selfish and/or have no self worth. I guess it’s a fine line. But good things don’t come to those who take them from someone else, #they come to those who wait, right?