I Should Have Flipped Him the Bird 

It seems some people are confused and think I am being a drama queen about the events with the unboyfriend. So I felt like I needed to clarify aka defend my point of view. Currently, I have not been drinking, but my day has been kind of glum and as Facebook memes say “You won’t find your answers at the bottom of a bottle, but shouldn’t you at least check?” So quite possibly by the end of this blog, my keyboard will be splattered with wine, pizza sauce and tears.

Just kidding, I’ve forgotten how to cry, I always lick the sauce off my fingers and I’ve never spilled a drop of liquor.

So if you haven’t read the previous post, Unboyfriend is Unworthy, I’ll give you a moment to catch up.

Ok, now that you are back. Some of the questions I’ve gotten were: how do I know he was lying? Is it any of my business? Am I just being a drama queen?

So here is how the situation unfolded (sober version): I stopped hearing from him around 3 or 4. That’s a tell tale sign that he will be occupied for the rest of the night. At that point, yes, I should have taken the hint and just let it go. Enter Tequila. I listened to some music. Had a few shots. I wanted to see him. That shouldn’t be a sin. So I sent him a text and asked him if he wanted the company. He replied that his cable was out and he was just going to entertain his kid for the night (this is the lie, the big fat bold faced lie). I knew he was lying because it was a stupid fucking lie. And my gut told me so. I didn’t even reply at that moment, because 1.) My phone was going dead and 2.) I was taking the bus home. My bus stop is basically in front of his house. So I wasn’t being a stalker. Not an intentional stalker. I had to go that way. I guess I could have caught the other bus, but it runs later and I was ready to get home. Plus, I wanted to know if my gut was right (because it usually is). So I got off the bus and what do ya know, there’s a car parked right next to his. And I’m no dummy so I knew it was one of his other “friends.” And I was mad. Really mad. And tipsy. I wanted to key both of their cars. Then I wanted to jump in the back of his pick up and piss in the bed of it, but that was mostly because I really had to pee. I had broken the seal at the bar and it was all over from there. I didn’t do either. I just went home seething mad to charge my phone so I could send him my drunken hate texts.

And I did. And then I blocked him so even if he did reply, I wouldn’t get it, because at this point,  I’m done.

Here’s the problem and not the problem. The problem is not that he had someone else over there. The problem is that we should be past all of that. Would my feelings have been a little hurt if he would have said, “Not tonight, I have company”? Yes, probably. Would I have gotten over it? Yes, most likely. Was it any of my business that he had company? No absolutely not. I don’t make it his business when I have my legs in the air over someone who isn’t him, but I also wouldn’t lie to him. We’ve known each other for two years. I’m not much on reactions. I rarely react. Apparently, that does not count when liquor is involved and it became all too clear last night why I quit drinking tequila in the first place: it makes me mean. Am I being a drama queen? Maybe, but that’s my prerogative. I can’t stand a liar. I would rather be hurt with the truth than to be placated with a lie. I’ve always been that way. Just don’t lie to me. I deserve better than that. We, I thought, were better than that. And that has been the problem with our whole “un”relationship. He never wanted to put his big boy pants on and talk about things because it made him uncomfortable. I think it’s only right to talk about things. If we are going to be in an “open” relationship, which is what it essentially was, then in my mind, it is only right we are open about everything. And he was the king of denial and changing the subject.

Then to make matters even better, today, I was coming home from the biscuit festival downtown and wouldn’t he have to be getting ready to leave his house just as I was getting off the bus and cutting through the alley next to where he lives? I saw him and pretended he was invisible. He saw me and pretended I was invisible. What I should have done is made eye contact and flipped him the bird, but hindsight is the only thing that’s 20/20 and he had his kid with him, so even if I had it to do over, I still would have just kept walking. But I was immediately angered and filled with emotions again. So much so that my hands started shaking and I could feel my ears getting red. So all in all, I think this whole ending of the situation is for the best. He will stay blocked for all eternity. And if he does have something to say, he’s gonna have to put in a little effort to say it, like sending a carrier pigeon or actually coming around the corner and knocking on the door. But I think I’m safe from both, because effort is not really his thing.  And if you ever see me write anything that even seems remotely  like I will be going back on this and/or unblocking unboyfriend’s number, please remind me that I am an idiot. And maybe hit me in the face with a brick.

One comment

  1. I never questioned why you blocked him and why you were upset over that situation but I’m glad you did. It’s a toxic relationship and you’re feelings are invested so they will get hurt. I think you blocking him was courageous!

    Liked by 1 person

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