What a Tuesday!! I told Mister that I couldn’t see him anymore. Despite the fact that his wife cheated on him and they are technically separated-ish, I’m not trying to be a mistress. And it’s crazy because I didn’t even really know that about myself. I mean, I never have tried sneaking around with a married man, because it’s not my thing. Wedding rings to me are like knee length titties to men. If I had a penis that was hard for someone, as soon as I saw a wedding ring, I would immediately be limp. It’s not my thing. I get no kicks out of taking something that belongs to someone else. And although it would have been very easy to convince myself to with this guy, I know that’s not who I am. I will do a lot of things, but I won’t do that. And he’s one of the good guys. He’s not the guy that cheats on his wife. He’s the guy that’s been faithful for over 10 years and never wanted anybody else. And he’s hurting. And I’m not going to exploit that or use it to my advantage even if it was so very tempting for a minute. But I think it’s mostly because I don’t normally meet men like him. This guy is tall, smart, beautiful (if men can be beautiful), hard working, loyal, sensitive. He’s all those things you want in a man, aside from the whole married thing. So I woke up this morning and we had a nice long talk about how even though he deserves much more than he’s being given right now, I was not going to be a mistress. And he completely understood because he doesn’t want a mistress. He wants a number one. And his number one broke his heart and he’s dealing not healing when he needs to try to work it out. So at 7am, I was telling him he needs to work it out with his wife or not, but I couldn’t be in the background muddying up the waters for him. So that was that and I feel good. I’ve often wondered if I would make the right choice when it came to something like that because I’ve known so many people involved in affairs and I’ve always thought, “how could you”? And their answer is usually you wouldn’t understand until you’ve been there. And here I am standing at that crossroad and I won’t. I deserve more. I’m not going to lie and say that it wouldn’t have been very easy to get swept up in the moment. It would have. If you guys could have seen this man…. even my married girlfriends were on the fence about it and they have husbands!!!! But it’s just not me. I try to stay in tune with myself and I’m a huge fan of self preservation and sleeping with or having an affair with a married man is the complete opposite of self preservation I think. And it wasn’t the most difficult thing I’ve ever done, but it was almost as hard as taking one bite out of a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and then putting it back in the freezer until next year when all I really want to do is scoop the creamy caramel core out and enjoy it. But I’m happy. And I want him to be happy. And I’m not the girl who tries to take someone else’s guy.
So what now?
My friend Crystal thinks it would be a good idea for me to leave everyone behind me. She says for two weeks. She doesn’t want me to talk to anyone I’m currently talking to for at least two weeks, but I think it’s ok for me to meet someone new. I’m not really sure. I’ll have to check on that. I think she’s tired of reading about my sex life. I told her she should go fuck her husband. But she doesn’t have time because she wants the meaning of life and apparently she is waiting on me to reveal it through blog. And she is one of my best friends, so it’s the least I can do. So I guess I will take some time to find the meaning of life in the newest Justin Bieber album even though I really can’t stand that little shit. He seems like he has everything pretty much figured out….”my mama don’t like you, and she likes every one.” So, while I’m working on being a Belieber, the rest of you should go fuck your husbands or your wives and when you’re done tell them I said, “you’re welcome.”