It dawned on me earlier as I was writing about my unboyfriend that I hadn’t mentioned Mister, the married one, lately. Mostly because he’s a non-issue and I finally laid the whole situation to rest.
To make a rather long story short, I ended up telling him (again) that he needed to deal with his situation at home. Although, I don’t mind playing therapist to a disgruntled husband, he kept making advances and the more he made, the less I felt bad about it, until eventually I just took matters into my own hands and completely dissolved the situation. I told him, until he decided whether he would stay or go, I would not be messaging him back even if he sent me a hundred messages. I’m sure it came off as kind of abrasive and asshole-ish, which is usually not my nature, but desperate times call for desperate measures and things were getting pretty desperate. He knew it was the right thing and he was probably relieved a little. At least I hope he was.
He actually didn’t even reply to that message or message me for a while after that, but then I got a message in my inbox from him. It was nothing major. It just said that he was thinking about me and hoped that all was well. I didn’t even respond because I already knew if I did, things would pick right back up. It’s funny how that always happens with me. Maybe it’s because I’m such a go with the flow type person. I don’t want to rehash or argue or talk about things that don’t matter anymore, but I also don’t want to get myself in a situation that I know one or both of us would regret. So I went with silence because, honestly, I had gone this long without talking to him and I didn’t really miss it. Not that he wasn’t great, but he was someone else’s great.
The funny thing, really funny thing, was that I was doing my Craigslist perusing the other day and I saw an ad that I’m pretty sure was his, looking for my replacement and maybe his wife’s replacement. I’m not positive, because there was no picture this time, but the sentiment was the same. Married, staying together for the kids blah blah blah. I just smiled and mentally wished him the best because I will not get caught up in a situation like that again.
And of course, the whole situation taught me even more about myself. They say you can never truly know someone. I believe it more and more, because I don’t know if I’ll ever truly know myself. And although, I, myself, may never really be “marriage material” or ever even be ready and able and willing to be in a completely committed traditional relationship, I do know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I do not want someone else’s man. I don’t care what the situation is. I don’t care how bad it is. I don’t care what she did to him. I don’t care about any of the scenarios that could possibly be running around the relationship. When and if I am ready to get into a relationship, I want someone who is going to be my one and only. I don’t want to share with another woman. Or other women. I mean I’m not saying that I wouldn’t or haven’t, but those also weren’t serious fall in love relationships and if they were I’ve always been the one falling and getting hurt. And there’s nothing wrong with those relationships. As I’ve said before, as long as all parties acknowledge the facts. I don’t like feeling like I’m in the dark and I don’t want anyone else feeling like they were left in the dark. We are all getting a little too old to be playing that game. And as long as I’m in the know, I’m cool with it. And if I’m not cool with it, I have the power to leave the situation with no hard feelings.
At least I do on paper. It always looks so easy on paper. Speaking of paper, I guess I’m back to the dating drawing board. In an effort to make this short and sweet, I’ll tell you all about that tomorrow.
RouletteWeekend 